Want to know what the top of the 8th inning was like last night at the Ted as the Mets turned a 5-1 lead into an 11-1 boil on the ass of Bravedom as the windchill dropped into the 30s? Here are the topics that were bantered back and forth between me and my friends Billy (the only Padres fan I know) and Victor (the only Reds fan I know and the sole commenter for this site who complains in German):
1. The guy in Section 119 wearing a full ski mask who caught a foul ball as it ricocheted off of the facing of the second deck was either an escaped convict or a second-tier WWF wrestler from 1986 named "El Matador."
2. Billy and Victor traded "coldest games at Candlestick" stories as trash blew all over the field. I was tempted to break out the story of the '95 Michigan 5 Purdue 0 thriller played in windchill below zero and alternating snow, sleet, and hail, but I fell like I talk about that game all the time.
3. "This is like the first 30 minutes of Major League." This remark became especially prophetic when Chipper missed a routine foul pop (to the extent that any foul pop is routine in 30 mph winds) that would have mercifully ended the inning and collapsed to the ground, Willie Mays Hays style. (OK, I made that last part up.) I decided after the game that the Braves should have some fun with BRAVESVISION!!! and make plays like that as the defensive play of the game to give the team incentives not to play like poo.
4. A lengthy discussion on Macay McBride's go-to order at Taco Bell.
5. The first "McDowell Raus!" of the year. (Keep in mind that we're coming off of a three-game sweep of the Phillies in which the Braves allowed seven runs in three games.)
6. A "favorite sequence from a soccer game" discussion. Like a stuck record, I went with the Ariel Ortega dive-headbutt-red card followed by the Bergkamp Wondergoal. Obligatory YouTube clip:
Victor went with Mark Hughes's seven-minute double in his first game for Bayern Munich against Werder Bremen during Octoberfest, followed by running into the entire Bayern backline, including the immortal Roland Wohlfahrth, coming out of the Paulaner tent.
Didn't every German player look like this in the 80s?
7. A review of the 1860 Munich roster to see if Gregg Berhalter and Josh Wolff are getting any playing time, followed by five minutes of mocking Landon Donovan with a number of statements starting with "The 2002 World Cup excluded,..."
8. Assorted obscenities directed at Jose Reyes for celebrating like a Duke point guard after his single extended the Mets' lead to 7-1.
9. I didn't share this, but the top of the 8th gave me major flashbacks to last year. Specifically, the last game I attended in 2006 was an August businessman's special where the bullpen contrived to turn a 3-1 lead against the Phillies in the 7th into a 9-3 deficit. McBride, Tyler Yates, and Oscar RoyalHouse are all holdovers from last year's dreadful pen and for one night (we pray), they reverted to their 2006 form.