Wednesday, October 11, 2006

When we have the ball, some of our plays will be runs and some will be passes. And we will scout ourselves to find out how often we do either.

I always had a gnawing suspicion every time I read Charlie Weis press conference quotes that I had heard him before, perhaps in another life. Specifically, his ability to make his approach to the mundane seem to be the work of a genius. And then I realized where I had heard him before...

Grayson Moorhead Securities. A Tradition of Excellence.

Narrator: On Wall Street, trendy investment fads have come and gone over the years, but not at Grayson Moorhead, where we've always stuck to the basic principles set forth by Arthur Grayson nearly 80 years ago.

Arthur Grayson: Our clients must be our first priority.

[ SUPER: "The Tradition Endures" ]

We will take our client's money and invest it. Part of the profit we will keep for ourselves; the rest we will give to the client.

[ SUPER: "A Tradition of Security" ]

We will make a list of our clients, and how much money each of them has given us to invest. We will keep this list in a safe place. If we have time, we will make a copy of the list, in case something happens to the first list.

[ SUPER: "A Tradition of Listening" ]

Listen to your client. It's the only way to know what he's saying.

[ SUPER: "A Tradition of Trust" ]

If a client is talking, and you're not listening, and he notices, and he accuses you of not listening, just say, "Sure, I've been listening, I've heard every word you've said." If he then says, "Alright, tell me what I've been talking about." Just say, "You've been talking about your investments. Which stocks to buy and so on." That way the client will think you've been listening, even though you haven't.

[ SUPER: "A Tradition of Integrity" ]

We will invest only in white-owned businesses.

Narrator: Not all of Arthur Grayson's principles are followed today, but at Grayson Moorhead we still believe in the basics.

Arthur Grayson: Don't leave the client's money lying around. Keep it in a safe place. For example: where we keep the list.

And then this gem from Weis, confusing himself with Bobby Knight and a couple drunk undergrads with Puerto Rican policemen:

No. I have had some interesting things, though. I'll end on this one. I have had a couple of interesting - probably the most interesting one I've had so far were guys on reunion weekend trying to steal my golf cart at 4:30 in the morning coming back from the bars. I looked at them and I said, What the hell are you doing? We're trying to steal the golf cart. I said, It's mine. I actually put them on my golf cart and drove them over to the dorm and piled them into a garbage can, got them back there. I have had some - when you come in early, you do - there are some interesting things that you see walking in early in the morning.

...caused me to channel another happy memory from the 80s:

Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.

Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.

Mandatory self-deprecating note: it's impossible to have fun with Lloyd Carr or Mark Richt's press conferences, except in Lloyd's case to count the number of times something is "tremendous" or Richt's case to genuflect on what a nice, mild-mannered guy he is, so I have to mock other coaches.

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