Wednesday, November 08, 2006

An Article You'll Never Read about Ohio State's Secondary

Checkmate: Wolverines bond through chess

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When imagining the Ohio State equivalent, I'm reminded of Christian Slater's line in
: "This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress." I need some help filling in the blank: "Buckeyes bond through _________" $500 handshakes from boosters? Choking Wisconsin quarterbacks? Leading the police on a high-speed chase with an assault rifle, a bottle of vodka, and a lint brush? Comparing 0.0 GPAs? Sharing notes from AIDS Awareness class?

At this stage, a Buckeye could easily drop in and suggest filling in the blank with "comparing multiple yellow pants pins representing numerous victories over Michigan," so I should be quiet now.

Incidentally, I shared the article with a Buckeye friend and when she came back with the obligatory "NERDS!!!" remark, I responded that I liked to think of Michigan's players as upholding the Greek/Jeffersonian ideal of balance between body and intellect...until the secondary lets Ginn or Gonzalez behind them, at which point I'll loudly proclaim that "we have a bunch of f***ing Steven Hawkings playing corner!!!"


Fox said...

That might be the lamest thing I've heard in a while Mikey. I prefer my football players to be brainless thugs who are too stupid to realize that it hurts to crash into a ball-carrier at full speed and just sociopathic enough to want to kill him. Of course, I'm a Virginia Tech fan, so what can you expect?

Michael said...

If you didn't add that last sentence, I was going to add it for you. I like to imagine that Michigan's players are at least academically competent enough to handle the Kinesiology major.

Fox said...

This may feed into why I was never all that impressed with UVA's teams, but I treat my college teams just like any other sports team that I root for--I want them to win games, play well and play smart, and not get arrested too much. For example, the only reason that I wish Michael Vick was smarter is because it would make him a better QB, not because it would make him more likable. As a Giants fan, I love Tiki, but it's because he's unstoppable, not because he's well-rounded and able to comment on politics. Of course this view leaves me without any excuses--if Virginia Tech loses, I can't say "well at least they're good kids" or "who cares--the other team is a bunch of thugs." Do you think your Jeffersonian ideals are just a built in excuse for the times you lose to Ohio State? I sure get that sense from Notre Dame fans.

Anonymous said...

"we have a bunch of f***ing Steven Hawkings playing corner!!!"

You represent your school, clients, family, and soccer team very well. I guess your Carrollton surroundings have trumped your big ten education?

Lovely. Why don't you defame retarded people next?

Michael said...

Fox, the academic excuses are a nice excuse when we lose to Ohio State.

Anon, I'm not in Carrollton. And how am I defaming Steven Hawking by suggesting that he's extremely smart and would not be very good at football? Would you feel better if I would have said we have a bunch of Robert Reichs in the secondary, or would that be defaming short people?