Friday, April 24, 2009


I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I was probably the only person in the Metro area (other that my brother Dan) who heard yesterday that the Falcons had acquired Tony Gonzalez and thought to myself: "Excellent! Now we have a star tight end who shares a name with the assassin who killed the Havelocks at the start of For Your Eyes Only before getting an arrow in the back from their vengeful daughter." For the same reasons, I'll miss Mark Sanchez at USC because he reminded me of Robert Davi every time he dropped back to pass and then I would think of Talisa Soto.

Hopefully, Gonzalez will arrive without the proverbial arrow sticking out of his back. I'm usually skeptical of the local teams acquiring big name players on the tail ends of their careers. When a team does that, it's usually acquiring the name and the salary, but not necessarily the talent. That said, Gonzalez's numbers last year were very good. Football Outsiders' numbers ranked him as the best tight end in the NFL on an aggregate basis. He wasn't quite as good on a per play basis, but one would expect that that is a result of Gonzalez having to catch passes from Tyler Thigpen and therefore having to make more difficult grabs than Martellus Bennett, who finished #1 on a per play basis after a year of catching passes from Tony Romo and benefiting from coverages drawn to Terrell Owens and Jason Witten.

The best aspect of this move is that it allows the Falcons to concentrate 100% on the defense with their early round picks. There are a host of holes to be filled on that side of the ball. Come to think of it, there isn't a single position where you could say that the Falcons are set. Maybe middle linebacker with Curtis Lofton? That said, if Rey Maualuga fell to the Falcons, they'd be foolish not to take him. I'd be happy with any of the USC linebackers, especially Brian Cushing because that would set me up for a fall of horrendous Grand Moff Tarkin jokes. You may stuff the runner when're far too trusting, Drew Brees...Lofton, release him! I'm tingling right now.


JB said...

Now, see Michael, this...this is why I read your blog. Where else can I get references to the delicious Talisa Soto AND Peter Cushing in the same post?

The Grand Moff Tarkin quote you should have used:

[Late 4th quarter, 4th and long for Falcons opponent]

"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!"

klinsi said...

Totally concur with JB. I could care less about the Falcons or the NFL, but the thought of Carole Bouquet as my ersatz kinswoman . . .πολύ συμπαθητικός!

"I don't expect you to understand, you're English, but I'm half Greek. And Greek women, like Elektra always avenge their loved ones!"

JR Suicide said...

i'm hoping it's Jerry in the 1st round. tackle has gotta be the biggest need.

Michael said...

JB, how about this in the huddle: "The linebackers now have direct control of the defense. Fear will keep the rest of you in line, fear that I'll spike your Gatorade with HGH."

Klinsi, you nailed. it. That was the line that I was trying to remember when I was writing the post, but I was too rushed to go onto Wikipedia to find it.

I'll need to think of a way to work the visual identigraph into a future post.

JRS, Jerry would be fine, but I see Cushing as a better LB than Jerry is a DT. A combo of Cushing in round one and Fili Moala in round two would be nice. I like guys who started at USC for their entire careers.

JB said...

Michael, that's great. I didn't realize just how quotable - and football applicable - GMT was. To wit:

"Pittsburgh is too remote to make an effective demonstration - but don't worry; we'll deal with your AFC friends soon enough."

"I think it is time we'd demonstrated the full power of this defense. Set course for Tampa Bay."

For a game-winning field goal - or any context, really - it's fun to utter (in an icy British accent): "We will then crush the Rebellion with one swift stroke!"

klinsi said...

JB - just rrrrember to apprrroprrriately rrrrroll those rrrrrrrssss . . . . .

JR Suicide said...

I couldn't be happier with the Falcons 1st day. Cushing's injury prone and he's a roider (just look at him...nobody gets that huge that quick). They get one of the 3 best DTs and thre best Safety and at spots where I didn't think they'd be available. Now if they go all linebackers, dbs, & an end on day 2 then the draft is gold.